Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Funny Facebook Status Ever - Bigest Ch*tiya

Funny Whatsapp Jokes

New India – Pakistan Joke

What a day ….69 yrs back both India and Pakistan got independence
Indians have become CEOs of Google, Microsoft, Pepsico, Jaguar, Land Rover
Pakistani have become heads of Taliban, Al-Qaeda, Jammat U Dawa, Hijbul Mujahideen
What a contrast…… Adding a line to this joke …
India reached Mars and Pakistan still trying to enter India
This message should reach every Indian all over the world…

Women will be women

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack & was taken 2 the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked, “Is my time up ?”
God said, “No, you have another 34 years to live.”
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital
& have a face-lift surgery, liposuction, & tummy tuck. She even changed her hair color
Finally she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the road on her way home, she was killed by a truck.
Arriving in front of God, she asked,
“You said I had another 34 years to live.
Why didn’t you save me from the truck?”
(You’ll love this)
God replied:
“I couldn’t recognize you!”

Baap – Bete ki shandaar baatein – Hindi joke

Once a father beats up his son and when son starts crying, the father says sorry.
Smart Son says : Take a piece of paper. Crumble it. Fold it. Now open it. Say “sorry” to it. Are the scars on the paper gone? Nahi na.. Relationships are like this .
Smarter Dad says : Take my scooter and try to start. does it start ? Nahin naa… Now give it 3-4 kicks. Now does it start ? Hua na… Haram-khor.. Tu wahi scooter hai, koi paper – waper nahi. Aage se ye Facebook/WhatsApp wale gyaan apne baap ko mat dena.

Drunk Husband Joke in English

A man woke up in the morning deeply repentant after a bitter fight with his wife the previous night.
He noticed with dismay the crate of beer bottles that had caused the fight.
He took it outside and started smashing the empty bottles one by one onto the wall.
He smashed the first bottle swearing,
“you are the reason I fight with my wife”.
He smashed the second bottle,
“you are the reason I don’t love my children”.
He smashed the third bottle,
“you are the reason I don’t have a decent job”.
When he took the fourth bottle, he realized that the bottle was still sealed and was full.
He hesitated for only a moment and said
“you stand aside, I know you were not involved”.

Boy’s funny proposal to a girl

A boy went to propose a girl
Boy : Hey baby, I love u..!! Will you marry me?
Girl : What’s ur status??
Boy : I m the owner of my own big village and I have 1 security,own army,gold mine and wine
Girl : Love you 2 honey. yes Yes
After marriage…
Girl asked the boy where is your village…
And the Boy opens Clash of Clans

WhatsApp Special Funny Birthday Joke

Suresh changed the subject to “Happy birthday Kalpesh ”
Suresh – Happy bday Kalpesh
Raju- Happy bday Kalpesh
Ganesh – Happy bday Kalpesh
Rhohit – Happy bday Kalpesh
sagar – Happy bday Kalpesh
Neha : hb
Rahul: happy birthday kalpesh
Yogesh: happy b kalpesh
Pintya: happy birthday kalpesh
Jitendra: happy birthday kalpesh
Kalpesh – thanks Neha..
Suresh changed the subject to “kalpesh haramkhor kutta “

Funny Joke in English

A girl at bustop spotted a handsome man and without hesitation she told ” i love u”
Man placed his hand on her head: ” this love and infatuation all are nothing,
Go back to ur home and study hard so that u can lead a successful life”
Man then placed a piece of paper in her hand:” i have written some wisdom for you. Read before u sleep” and went away..
Girl went back to hostel with tears and before sleep she opens the paper.
“Are you blind?my wife was standing behind me..anyways this is my number call me anytime..by the way.. i love u too!”

Chak de India Feeling – Indian Joke

When you drive in UP you get that chak de india feeling.
Isne left indicator chalu kiya hai ye left mudega
par nahi iska face right ki taraf hai ye right mudega.
Ya khuda ye to bich raaste me chal raha hai ye thookne ke liye rukega.

Sharaab Peekar aaya Aadmi

Jo Aadmi Roj Sharab Peekar Aaye Uske Liye Mere Mann Mein koi Hamdardi Nahi hai..!
Pati :
Jisko Roj Sharab Mil jaye, Use tumhari Hamdardi Ki Jarurat bhi nahi hai

WhatsApp Jokes | Hindi | Joker

Funny Diwali Joke – Phatakha

Instead of burning a phataka ,,,
Date a phataka…!!!
Have an eco-friendly diwali..
Applicable to bachelors only!
Coz married people already living with nuclear Bomb

Why is Diwali celebrated?

A mom asked her elder kid to explain diwali to his brother ..
He replied:
“So look, this dude Ram had, like a big kingdom,
& people liked him but like his step mom or sumthin, was kinda weird and she forced her hubby to send this Ram to some jungle or something..
Coz he was goin for 14yrs, So his wife n bro got along..(U know just 2 chill)
But dude forest was real scary shit.. Was full of devils n things like dat,
but dis dude killed them with arrows..
But den sum bad gangstar Ravan
picked up his babe Sita..
Dis Dude Ram n his bro got real mad…huh….
So dey got an army of monkeys..don’t ask how…Attacked Ravan
got d babe n returned home..People thought atleast dey deserve something.
Dey had no bars or clubs or smoke stuff to party…
So they lit lamps..N this is how it all started .
Mom fainted !!

Hindi Whatsapp Jokes Collection

लड़की – मुझे Jio का सिम दिला दो ना 😃

लड़का – अरे 2-4 दिन रुक जा

लड़की – क्यों

लड़का – बाबा रामदेव भी अपना सिम निकालने वाले हैं

लड़की – उसमें क्या मिलेगा ???

लड़का – उसमें डाटा के साथ साथ आटा भी फ्री मिलेगा 😂 😂

एक नई शादीशुदा औरत कोक पी रही थी
उसमें एक मच्छर गिर गया

औरत ने उसे निकाला तो मच्छर बोला, “माँ!”

औरत: तूने मुझे माँ क्यों कहा?
मच्छर: मैं तेरी कोक से निकला हूँ, माँ! 😂


बाबूराव : ऐ राजू… आज मेरी कुत्ती ने अंड़ा दिया…
राजू : ये कुत्ती कब से अंडा देने लगी…
बाबूराव : ये बाबूराव का स्टाईल है रे बाबा…
अपनी मुर्गी का नाम कुत्ती रखा है….
? ? ?


Baburao : Aye Raju… Aaj meri Kutti ne anda diya…
Raju : Ye Kutti kab se Anda dene lagi…
Baburao : Ye Baburao ka Style hai re baba…
Apni Murgi ka naam kutti rakha hai…

Whatsapp very funny jokes

लड़की (ATM Room में) : मुझे अपना बेलेंस चेक करना है,
आप मेरी Help करो… Please….

लड़के ने पीछे जोर की लात मारी,
वो मुँह के बल गीरी…
लड़की आगे के 2 टूटे दाँतों के साथ खड़ी होती है….

लड़का : बेलेंस तो बहोत खराब है तुम्हारा…
बाद में लड़की ने आगे लात मारी,
वो नागीन की तरह रेंगते रेंगते गया…
लड़का अभी तक घर नहूीं पहुँचा…

Ladki (ATM room me) : Muje apna balance check karna hai,
Aap meri Help karo… plz…

Ladke ne piche jor ki laat mari,
Wo muh ke bal giri…
Ladki aage ke 2 tute danto ke sath khadi hoti hai…

Ladka : Balance to bahot kharab hai tumhara…
Baad mein ladki ne aage laat maari,
Wo naagin ki tarah Rengtey Rengtey gaya…
Ladka abhi tak ghar nahi pahuncha…

Whatsapp & Facebook Image Chat Picture collection